Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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