There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
