where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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