Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
