we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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