i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
