I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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