he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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