This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
