you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
