I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
