when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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