The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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