There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
