btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
