I cockslap morals
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
