I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
