Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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