No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
