I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
