i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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