I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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