i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
