Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
