Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
