your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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