I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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