Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
