Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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