My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
