it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
