Plan B is the new Plan A
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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