Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
