If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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