but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
