I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
