you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
