i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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