none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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