Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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