Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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