I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
