Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
