apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
