Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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