Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
