Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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