Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
