Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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