and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
